You’ll Never Be Good Enough, Here’s Why:


Lately I’ve become…frustrated. I guess that’s the appropriate word. However it’s used so commonly it desensitizes everything I’m currently feeling. Like when your mom used to make you go to school even though you swore you were sick. You could’ve been on your death bed yet she’d still say, “If you‘re well enough to sit up and watch cartoons you’re well enough to get to class.” 

Dang school. Did we ever really learn anything? Do I know how to file my taxes without the help of Turbo Tax? No.

Anyways so yeah. Here I am, frustrated with the way things are currently going in my life. The world isn’t ending and I’m not living in a box on the side of the road. But creatively, mentally, I feel that I’ve hit rock bottom. There is a wall that constantly makes an appearance at the front of my brain. Cutting off all thoughts that just might be the saving grace in all of this. But it doesn’t matter, because I can’t get to them. 

I feel. Stuck. 

Like the last kid chosen for the dodgeball team. I would never be good enough to be first. 

not good enough not good enough not good enough.

Everything I’ve been spitting out for the past few months has been trash. I don’t publish it and I don’t tell anyone about it. I just let it sit on my bedside table as it takes up space, slowly rotting.  A time bomb I can’t diffuse. 

not good enough not good enough not good enough.

After being tormented by my half written stories for too long. I finally ask myself. Why aren’t I good enough? Because let’s face it…you can only wander around like this for so long before you go mad. I faced myself in the mirror. Not figuratively, I really did this. Just like in the movies. I examined myself in the bathroom mirror and tried desperately to break down the science of why I was stuck. And my brain started to do that thing it does when it feels threatened. It lies and comes up with excuses and starts comparing my progress to others. 

failure, faker, you’re a fake.

Ah. Comparison. That little bugger could very well be the death of me if I let it. And this summer I almost let it. 
It creeps in and tells you that if Sarah and Allie and Anthony and Jasmine are doing it and they’re all younger than you, then what the heck are you doing with your life? They are so successful and they're pursuing their dreams in ways you could literally only imagine because you’ll never make it that far. They are all doing this NOW and you’re sitting here staring at a piece of paper while you wait for your leftover pizza to stop spinning around in the microwave. 
They are waiting on their private jet to arrive and you are waiting on a MICROWAVE to ding. Of course success isn't measured in private jets but let's face it, this stuff can eat away it you over time.

MICROWAVE.

People. When I say comparison is a doozy. Believe me. Comparing your journey to the journey of someone else’s will slowly start to do enough damage until one day you’ll wake up and completely, totally hate yourself. And the worst thing is. You’ll have no clue why or how it began. You’ll just know that every time you try to do YOUR thing you’ll seem to trip and fall. And each time it gets harder and harder to get back up because you can’t seem to get past the other people who are running miles past you. Jumping hurdles even. What you DON’T see is all the crap they had to get through to make it where they are now. 

You don’t see the struggle. The absolute worst part of their lives. The days they wanted to quit and say this is TOO MUCH I CAN’T ANYMORE. This book I’m trying to write is NOT worth it and only 3 people will read it and I will never make a difference and WHO CARES and SHUT THE CURTAINS and I’M GOING BACK TO BED and all their motivation is gone.

My friends, comparison is just a lie all wrapped up in a fancy suit.

So:

Focus on your journey and YOUR journey alone. Do better because you can do better, not because you think someone else’s stuff is better. Crank out better quality projects because YOU know YOUR standards could be higher, not because Sally’s making a profit on an idea she thought of in grade school. Do without the fear of failing. Do without the need of comparison, and focus on YOU. This is your time to be selfish, because you’ll never be good enough if you’re always looking over your shoulder at someone else’s life…